Air travel is brilliant. It’s safe, it’s fast and it’s fun. Plus, the views can be amazing from 35,000 feet. But some people will come up with any old excuse not to take to the skies. Here are just a few of the excuses we’ve encountered (and erm, made up)…
1. The luggage limit just doesn’t work for me
Yes, packing is a drag, especially if you like to wear a different outfit every day. But just like walking in fabulous heels, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Pack only the essentials and then disregard half of them. Light suitcases are the new black.
2. Getting to and from the airport is such a faff
No country worth visiting ever built an airport that’s not easily accessible via public transport (secret military installations excluded). Travel light, leave plenty of time and your journey will begin the moment you shut the front door.
3. I’m an agoraphobic, get me out of here
Yes, a whopping 38.5 million passengers passed through Sydney Airport in 2014, but they were in-and-out and up into the wild blue yonder before you could say ‘Panic Attack Incoming!’ Also, airports are massive. There’s room for everyone and the seats are kinda cool.
4. I look like a chump in my passport picture
Your passport picture is not your Tinder profile. Immigration officers are rigorously trained to remain stony-faced and unapproachable, even when presented with (what you think of as) the photographic equivalent of a blob fish.
5. The check-in process brings me out in a rash
Travelling with only hand luggage negates the need to queue. Check-in online, print your boarding pass and you’ll be whisked through passport control before you can say ‘No… nobody has asked me to carry an item on this flight’.
6. When I take my belt off in customs, my trousers fall down
Unless you’re a skater or someone with a perchance for over-sized attire, removing one’s belt at security shouldn’t pose too much of a problem. Unless, of course, you’re a member of Iron Maiden and you’re sporting your favourite bullet belt.
7. Airport scanners can read your mind
Yes, it’s almost impossible not to look embarrassingly guilty as your flounder through those big scary metal detectors, but everyone who’s ever boarded a plane in the history of aviation has worn the same shameful blush. Look ahead, no eye contact.
8. Rubber-glove-wearing customs men/women find me irresistible
Honestly, the last place any self-respecting security professional wants to probe is around your undercarriage. However, if you ever get the tap on the shoulder to enter ‘the booth’, consider it a free medical check-up.
9. I can’t be trusted in duty free
if you’re in danger of blowing your budget before the seatbelt light’s gone on, head immediately to the departure gate, don a sleep mask and repeat the following mantra: ‘My life will not be better with a wireless speaker, a bottle of Ouzo, or half-a-litre of Kouros.
(featured image: Bulent Kavakkoru, Istanbul International Airport via Flickr CC BY 2.0)