We’ve all been there.
Whether embarking on a short-ish flight between Aussie states or enduring the painful 21+hour pilgrimage from Sydney to London, it’s inevitable you’ve had to suffer through PPS at least once in your travelling lifetime (that’s Painful Passenger Syndrome for those playing at home).
But are these mid-flight menaces even aware of how annoying their travel traits can be? What may be acceptable behaviour to some (say, picking the remains of your Subway dinner out of your teeth with the corner of the inflight magazine) is completely abhorrent to others.
In line with National Respect Day on September 18th and in the name of Flight Etiquette, we’ve decided to dispel the confusion and lay down the Top Five Commandments for Tolerable Air Travel. You can thank us after your next flight.
1. Thou shalt not abuse the overhead storage facilities.
We get it. You hit up a massive sale at H&M and couldn’t resist the half price winter coat and ankle boots. Thing is, unfortunately when you try and stash these last minute purchases in the overhead storage compartments—usually to try and save precious coin at the check-in counter—you end up crushing your fellow passenger’s precious belongings. Keep overhead storage to a minimum people, and certainly don’t attempt to cram in your entire shopping expedition.
2. Thou shalt not chew with thy mouth open.
Or any other foul bodily foibles for that matter. This includes (but is not limited to): sniffing, snorting, spluttering, farting, breathing heavily, failing to use deodorant, sneaking on smelly foods and cleaning your nose/ears/mouth with your finger (I’m looking at you teeth-picking guy). Just, don’t. It’s not pleasant for anyone.
3. Thou shalt not attempt to board before thy seat number is called.
You’d think Kate Upton covered in head-to-toe liquid gold was greeting people at the boarding gate by the way some eager-beavers dart to the head of the queue. Calm your farm, people. If you’re not sitting in the emergency row, don’t spear tackle your fellow passenger to reach the front. The plane won’t take off without you.
4. Thou shalt not continue to use thy mobile phone after told not to.
So there may be a few cynics out there who refuse to believe sending that last text to “boyfie” is going to jeopardise the lives of every passenger onboard. And perhaps they’re completely correct. But quite frankly, I’m not really one to want to test that theory. If the pilot and crew tell you to turn your phone off, TURN YOUR PHONE OFF. It’s common courtesy, people.
5. Thou shalt not kick/shove or bump the seat in front.
Unless you’re aiming to garner disapproving glares from the person in front of you, avoid disturbing them with your kneecaps. We all know legroom in economy is scarce, but that’s no excuse to give your fellow passenger an unwanted back massage with your restless limbs.
Featured image by rafael-castillo
